My minds playing tricks on me.
So yesterday I came home and there were empty beer cans in my room, and my roommate who I think might have developed some sort of worsening psychosis was just sitting by the door. Just a few days prior she stormed up the staircase and threatened to “smash my face in” if I called the cops on her, so when I saw the beer cans I asked her who has been in my room. Since we’re following her policies. And she said, “oh Jenna was here. We met some guys from the club, but I wasn’t feeling them”. Then I asked her what guys, and she didn’t have a good enough answer for my standards. You fail at screening people seriously, what guys? Then right before I left I told her to expect a phone call to the cops pretty soon. I don’t know why. I was just like you should expect for me to be calling the cops. Don’t threaten me again.
So I told the guy who drove me there that I refused to stay there last night on account of her increasingly violent behavior and the fact that I was suspicious about the story. I don’t know if that was just me being a bitch, but I just wasn’t staying there. And he was like well you can’t stay with me and Paul wants you to go home already, so I said I was getting a motel. I got a motel then went to work the next morning then went home to look for my key. And then when I got there I called in a police report that she threatened me, and they told me if I went home to a situation out of order to call the cops again. She was using marijuana in the apartment, so I called again and they wrote her a citation. They told her if she didn’t get her act together she was probably going to be looking at major jail time and that’s when I said, she should be expecting a phone call to the cops every time she fucks up.
Later on I called Jenna to ask her if she had been in my apartment and she said yes. So then I totally felt bad that I did that and wondered if I was just growing far too suspicious and letting other people’s thoughts influence me. And on top of that, I’ve had good times with my roommate and she’s never called the cops on me for any of my drug use. But I also am not violent, nor do I hear “evil” voices, nor have I tried to get anyone gang raped recently. The cops asked when the problems in our relationship began and I said, I think it started when she realized that I didn’t make as much money as her at the club placing stress on the bills. And that the relationship hit a major halt when a month prior the girl told described very vividly a story in which she had been sexually assaulted by one of my serious romantic interests. The guy I wanted to marry, actually. I didn’t believe the story without question until I went to work the next day and was ambushed by rumors that the guy had been in the club. His physical description described in close detail, his tattoos, accent, they even knew him by name.
So I was like wait a minute… I keep questioning the girl. By this time I’m guessing that she’s acting out on the trauma, only the girl is growing more psychotic voices of doom blaring full blast. I think before I even got to the guy I encouraged her to file a police report. And I stayed on her to keep him in mind for purposes of identification should he come back into the bar, and then reported the incident to the manager. Then I start questioning him. Which, in my opinion, just talking real, I’m on his side. The first reason being simply that the girl is known for such sexually promiscuous behavior and I expected that if those two ever met the girl would behave suggestively. The second reason is the money, he’s not a poor guy and the roommate could definitely stand to make a few dollars based off some sketchy “non-consensual” encounter. The last reason is just whose character I know better. It’s kind of hard to get sympathy for your own assault when you’ve been basically trying to hit up girls for gangrape.
We got to handle this. Everyone is saying they saw you at the bar, you’re saying you never stepped foot in the place, she’s not filing a report which means she’s probably going to try and ruin your life somewhere down the line. She doesn’t seem to be getting over it anytime soon. She was probably going to end up in jail anyway, just tell me what happened and you can probably get some help or get out of serious punishment. I strongly suspected that the girl had perhaps had offered the guy the opportunity of sex with her in exchange for him attaining closer access to me (perhaps later on at the apartment) and when I wasn’t there, the situation turned ugly and perhaps force was used. Which is why the cops were never called. That and the fact that she’d rather just extort everyone until the end of time. Everytime I called the cops they told me the girl needed to file a police report, and I’m like wtf? I feel like I’m just sitting around on her watch, waiting to get raped. How do I know if she cut off contact with the guy?
It”s not something I can just throw under the rug, not when I expect to come under scrutiny in the public eye someday. And it happened right next door to the fucking school! She starts snapping when she realizes the guy isn’t budging on his story that he was at the bar, and more importantly, isn’t interested in giving her any money. I’m flipping out over my own suspicions, and my own surprise at his character. After months of talking to him on the computer since January (which I admit the last few months I had grown more annoyed at the fact that he wasn’t responding and didn’t seem to want to see me in person, or naked). It’s hard for me to understand why he doesn’t seem to think it’s important to do something about the story, or why he doesn’t think I’m in a dangerous situation, or the domino effect even. He doesn’t want to marry me anymore, I’m sending the messages to the wrong person. You’re annoying and you can’t stay with me. Period.
Which is why I felt so bad about snapping on her and calling the cops in on the dope. Are you that paranoid now that you think people in your house may be doing things behind your back or that your roommate may be trying to set you up. Enough to not live there?! Maybe you’re just ruminating about the situation and letting it drive you insane. You’re fucking snapping on your suspicions about everyone you think, like maybe even knew you. So then I laid off the pot a bit and found that it wasn’t just paranoia everywhere I went people were interested in the story and seemed to think that the guy might be some sort of rapist and I never realized it because I was wasn’t quite all there to accurately testify on his character. They want to know how I met him, if I had sexual contact with him. And I’m saying no, I don’t think so. They’re saying, maybe you don’t remember…
I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m like I met him at school, I just don’t really remember that much before because I was so sick at the time I met him. We just got back in contact in January and I was hoping to marry him and make him a happy man.
(story continued…)
