A-musings

What’s the difference between those two chicks? Well, that chick needs to take a shower. And that chick? That chick needs a fucking exorcism.

Nigga, Because.

I’ve decided I’m going to start all my setences with “by the time you read this”…

My mother used to always tell me it’s not self-importance if you’re a visionary.

Sorry, I think I wasn’t listening or processing or something. TL;DR

Henceforth, and likeso…

Oh, nothing. We were just talking a whole bunch of shit about you behind your back.

I plan to spend my Christmas holiday walking down Chicon street caroling loudly about the “White Man’s Burden”.

You hear that Obama? Tell Ebenezer Scrooge im in character..

“Oh nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen”.

Right outside your house at 2 am.

“Some people need motivational speakers, some people need positive affirmations, and some people just need to be plain cussed out.”

I have so many problems in my life that stem from the same place. If you can solve the problem of why Tiffany smells so bad or sucks so bad at taking care of herself-you can solve a lot of her problems in her life.

I  look back at things- like no wonder you kept getting fired and getting in trouble. I mean if you keep getting targeting for the same things there’s probably a problem. And I’m like that girl smells like shit and doesn’t know it, so it makes me want to use the fallacy of circular reasoning over and over again and be like yeah- there’s literally something going on with her common sense. Why can’t she smell herself? It’s like  she’s lacking in self-awareness. Everything else- just as crazy. Deluded, psychotic, schizophrenic. I mean have a sense of honesty about yourself…

I can’t be objective about it until it’s over, but unlike my parents I can’t afford to be that much in denial unless I didn’t want to like ruin my entire life, like it already has been.

                                      It’s why everything is stuck on BAD:

No okay.. the real story is. I took some medication that was psychoactive in nature, for some psychological issues I’ve had.
 
It causes emotional upheaval in a person, which means it ”pushes” repressed psychological tension or energy up into a persons psyche. You should think of it in the absolutes as karma..Unfortunately for me I kind of woke up before it finished cycling through- somewhat akin to waking up into the middle of a bad shroom trip or something. So there’s a lot of air pressure in my head right now that makes it extremely hard for me to focus, and makes it extremely annoying to be around me unless I don’t want to go jog and release some of it. It cut off a lot of circulation to my actual brain, and it feels like you’re in a like a blimp or something. I can’t think.. 
 
It’s like being around a huge blowup doll  who can’t hear herself or something. That’s why I’ve been trying to avoid meeting up with people until I’m more down to earth. Get your lazy ass up and go jog, you shouldn’t be ruining your life in two absolutes.

It’s like being around somebody with perpetual morning breath…

I’ve never met somebody so over the top in my life. She makes me want to run over to Beyonce and like her a hug the first minute I meet her..  I’ve just never met anybody without any common sense. Like I’ve met funky people before.. but that was like their natural funk smell. With her it’s like she can’t smell herself so I have to compensate for her like actual oxygen and stuff. It’s  outrageous.  It’s like their’s two Tiffany’s inside, and one of them needs to die so the one inside can come outside and be like yeah I have common sense. Tiffany needs to go shower and actually use logic. It’s like she uses the “absolute of logic” instead of her own common sense. Like why did I feel like we had to get married just to have a conversation? It makes no got damn sense. I remember when I wanted to send her to NY so she could like use her damn head.. and I was like it won’t work because Tiffany would be like reading all the signs backwards and then be like yeah I don’t know why I’m here. Or end up a huge prostitute or something somwhere. Maybe in solitary. Or even when I hoped she would go backpacking.. I was like no Tiffany would just be like looking at the signs and not getting it. Or reading everything upside down.. Or just be like I just want to go to sleep. What’s that problem “learned helplessness”? You’re not supposed to want to go to sleep like that all the damn time… I don’t know how you could not notice that there was a huge problem when she was like 5.. Like my kid is smart. Like no your kid is not that smart or they’d have common sense, instead of just doing the easiest thing they could possibly do and avoiding challenges and things that require logic and skill, like math. And generating like an actual deeper interest in things instead of just being so random. Like oh I want to go to the Czech Republic? Like why because you looked at the picture? She wasted all her parents money in France..

Like actual common sense, like why doesn’t she ever know where she’s going or something. Even if my kid was a basement dweller and spent all their time in the basement.. I still wouldn’t care so long as they had common sense. You’re not supposed to be like looking at reality backwards like that. I’d love to like see her play a game of chess..  Huge problem somewhere..  I don’t know how you could not notice that.. Two huge problems coming from both sides of the argument.. she just happens to be getting older and older. My medicine is stuck in customs and my rents due… I just want to sign up for the military or some food stamps already. Life is not supposed to be that damn hard. You can get stuff… I’d kill the other one off if the other one didn’t want all the damn food.

Makes no damn sense. 

I think you’re going in the book as having some of the worst home training EVER!

Like look at your life, look at your experiences, look at what you’ve attracted to you, how much money you could have been making, why your attitude is so poor..

I don’t think her parents took it seriously when they were like your kid has no common sense. Or like she’s retarded or something. And they didn’t take it seriously all those years when Tiffany like really needed to crack down on her hygiene. Like really crack down, like something is wrong from the inside out. Cause it doesn’t really matter what she does.. if she isn’t like aware of herself.

And she has like too much “helplessness” in her character. Like her common sense. She acts like she can’t think for herself. But I don’t think it’s really all her fault..cause I remember all those years when her dad was like yeah.. you didn’t really like to do anything as a child. And it’s like yeah.. but like literally. Or they’d like put her in praise dance or something, and she’d come up smelling like shit. Like awful. And then get on the stage and start like dancing backwards. Like literally, dancing backwards. And they’d just be like okay… someone has really poor hygiene. But like over and over and over. Why would you let her take control and start doing stuff when she clearly did a like way shitty job at everything? Or they’d put her behind the wheel and she’d fall asleep. She needs a whole lot of resistance on her body to “wake her brain up”.  Or just talking a bunch of shit about people. Or be like walking outside wandering around talking to herself all the damn time. She’s the only person I know who looks like they have fleas. She just makes me want to like put a perm in her hair and send her into the military, cause she has like way too many problems for society…Like way TOO MANY. Even bedridden people are not that bad.

Why the fuck is your kid always just like sitting there asleep? And then she went to France and was like a huge embarrasment and didn’t learn anything. And was just like sitting there in bed asleep. I think it has a lot to do with the circulation of blood to Tiffany’s brain or something. Like I think she mental problems.. but I think there’s something really off on the other side. Like she didn’t kill off enough of her ego or something. Like if Tiffany could put weight on both sides of her body and just like even out the electricity

Where I’ve been? She is like way too much on the inside of her head..

Okay I’ve been trying to run around Austin trying to get my body heat and stuff down… so I can kind of like kill of the rest of my self-conscious and take my medicine..

Okay so this girl needs to produce ego death so she can like stop making people so self-conscience whenever they take the focus off her thinking. It’s like really hard to explain… but anyway it’s like the minute she stops focusing.. you immediately want to put the focus on whatever is going to make her snap out of it.. so she can kill off the ego and come back down to earth..

I had no idea that Tiffany like never killed her ego in the first got damn place. I was like why doesn’t this girl want to come back down to earth? And then I realized that there like wasn’t enough pressure on Tiffany’s body heat or something.. so the girl never produced a self-conscience or something that’s supposed to separate you from all that  and make you kind of want to like snap all out all of that and kind of be like I’m on the outside looking in.. I can think for myself, I can judge whatever.

Anyway, if she can’t drag all of that stuff down it makes you snap way too much to whatever is like in common.. so usually it’s like Tiffany’s common sense. So it’s like why can’t that chick smell herself, or some pressure on Tiffany’s body to make her come back down to earth. You’re like not supposed to be trying put pressure on Tiffany’s head.. if the girl kind of like doesn’t want to come back down to earth.

And then it’s like well Tiffany’s on the streets, and nobody wants to sleep around her cause she smells way to bad.. and she can’t smell herself so you immediately kind of like countertransfer and it’s like well I immediately want to call the cops on every god damn thing she does.. cause.. I don’t know.. you kind of want it absolutes.. and the other one just smells way too bad. It’s hard to explain..

but anyway..

I keep getting kicked out of places.. but I’m trying to keep Tiffany at absolutes in case she turns up missing because too many people on the street just want to jerk her around.. cause you can see on like a radar or something.. that her body heat is like on the outside. so responding waaayyy too much to you like an object or something.. and it’s like she makes makes you want to kind of want to snap out of it way too got damn bad..and everyone her kind of wants to makes you want to put pressure on Tiffany’s body.. but like body slam her or something or break her neck.

All the other homeless people take my food.. and the minute I try to snap out of they like run over there and try to take something from me..like my food or keep jerking me around.. or trying to like push me into the road..or trying to like move all the body weight to one side.. so like everyone run over there..  or everybody push Tiffany into the road.. cause then everything kind of like doesn’t smell that god damn bad..

I was like that’s why Tiffany can’t really take care of herself. There’s like way too much pressure for her to focus on one thing to try to snap out of all of it. which is kind of hard to do if you can’t see yourself… I don’t want the problem is between all that.. but it’s like you’ve just been kind of dragging your body all along all this time.. and there isn’t like enough oxygen going to your brain in the first got damn place.. you’re trying to bang it along some got damn objects along the way.. and hope that Tiffany puts some more pressure.. like her on forehead or something.. I was like literally in front of the cops turning around and around.. and they like couldn’t see her damn forehead on the radar..

Here is where I’ve been staying…

The ARCH opened in April 2004

The ARCH is operated by Front Steps (formerly the Capital Area Homeless Alliance. For more information on programs at the ARCH, as well as volunteer opportunities, please contact Front Steps.

Contact
Web Site: http://www.frontsteps.org/
Location: 500 East 7th St. (at Neches)
Phone: (512)-305-4100
Fax: (512)-476-7243

and Mia Harvey…  512-221-4812

I was like that’s why you keep getting fired and never make any money in your got damn life.. and people want to beat you up all the time.. It seriously makes you want to jerk Tiffany around a lot.. or just keep her moving. I think that what she needs to do..and then she wouldn’t need the medicine in the first place. She just needs to get some food once in awhile…

Somebody like called the cops on me and said I like stole from their house, and the helicopters.. Said I stole all the nutrigrain bars.. Said I was smoking marijuana. The cops handed me back the jacket with the residue still on it and the pot still in the pocket. STUPID!!

I’m trying to cancel it all out.. give my family some hope.. Maybe go into the Air Force

Okay I can see where your problems are coming from..

So Tiffany’s major problem in life.. is not that she’s retarded or slow. But that she kind of like never killed her own ego and formed what’s called a self- conscience. So like a self-conscience is like a feeling that I’m around some- like what do you call it- like  a living human being that’s like in tune with itself. Or that can see itself and isn’t lacking in what makes you want to get up and go out and go operate and think for yourself- so objectivity.

Like I can see outside myself. Tiffany is lacking in a self-conscience. I’m like that’s why she see’s herself like that. She’s lacking in objectivity. So like the only thing you can do is like frame Tiffany for absolutes- and then like keep pushing all the logic down until you can try and get to an absolute from where the space and all the like karmic energy between you and Tiffany was.

So…hypothetical situation. Let’s just say you’re around Tiffany, but Tiffany doesn’t have that much of a self- conscience so it’s like too much space between you and what should be in absolutes. So like reality. So I’m like okay, she’s down to earth and she’s like comfortable with herself.

What happens with most people is like let’s say I’m around Tiffany and it’s like well she’s making me too uncomfortable, something like smells really bad. Good example.. let’s just say something smells really bad.

And it’s like well okay.. I’ve been around smelly people before. But usually they can smell themselves and so you’re like not going to be that conscience of it- because it’s like well that person can come back down to earth. They can smell themselves, so I’m like not going to spend all my time compensating for reality because I’m usually not that over the top in the first place. I can smell myself. Or I’m thinking about myself.

With Tiffany it’s like way too over the top. It’s like the object and then it’s smell and you have to spend all your time overcompensating for the gap between yourself and reality. Like okay why can’t things come back together and all the smells mix together like a normal human being-cause then I wouldn’t care that much in the first place. It’s normal, or it belongs to you.

It’s like way out of place, and it’s like way backwards. So it makes you too uncomfortable. So they were like well why can’t she just like kill off her own ego- or that thing that’s supposed to make you come back down to earth. And it’s like well it seems like Tiffany never wanted to do it herself. Like something is way off.

  Is like she has learned helplessness so the other Tiffany never really wants to get out the story about why she doesn’t want to do anything with her life, and the other one just wants to get Tiffany back down to earth. She wastes way too much time and energy in her life just trying get Tiffany back to ground zero- but it’s like literal. It’s the literal pressure Tiffany is taking on and off her body. She’s way too cut off from her senses.. And then it’s like well the other one doesn’t have enough common sense- or it has learned helplesness too much- so there’s not enough pressure going to the actual part of your brain where you actually be wanting to get up and do all that stuff- so like to sublimate an idea about yourself.

And everytime you’re around Tiffany, there’s like all this pressure to get Tiffany back down to earth. So the more pressure you literally put on Tiffany to kill her ego- the more Tiffany comes back down to earth and her brain kind of starts working more and fixing the problems. So like Tiffany can move her body more and more- and her physical deformities kind of move around more and she’s not just like sitting there without the release of something.

And then when you’re around Tiffany- you just kind of want to weight her down and then like kill off her ego- so like the heaviest person just run over there and like sit on her something, and then just like punch Tiffany in the face and bring her back to earth and then her brain would start working more. Cause if you don’t, then it makes you have to concentrate on like where all the space and stuff is going in the room.. so it’s like Tiffany was standing around me.. and I like literally had the desire to start like turning in circles or just like acting like her. Or just like framing for absolutes so like acting like her husband, running around in circles, wondering what she would look like if she was Beyonce,  wherever I just thought I had to compensate for reality to get her back down to earth. Cause it’s like I couldn’t even tell you what that chick looked like in the first place, she has no common sense. There’s just too much static and electricity around her damn head.  She like makes you concentrate on too much stupid stuff to get there.

It’s very hard to imagine… because Tiffany never sublimates an idea about herself, so you’re just kind of framing everything around the object and hoping she comes back down to earth. And then it like occurs without a conscience.. so you kind of get the feeling that there isn’t like a real human being in there that’s like thinking for itself..so you’re just framing everything around it. And like the minute she walks away-, you’re just kind of want to start talking shit about her. Cause you want to be more down to earth. And then when she comes back, it’s like I totally wasn’t talking shit about you. You’re not a real human being. So it’s like what I totally didn’t even remember that I did that…

And then the minute she comes back she just snaps you back to wherever you were and you’re like that chick smells way too bad,  go walk around or something. Or like stop making people uncomfortable and absorbing all the energy out the room.Or like stop talking around in circles- cause you have too many problems in the first place.. so I just want you at absolutes.

So  yeah my dad used to tell me as a kid.. like I was always just sitting around or whatever. Or like just in space. And it’s like yeah thats why, Tiffany can’t see herself. You needed to like give your kid shrooms or make it walk around more.. anyway here’s some pictures cause I’m falling asleep. Look at everybodys body language. Look at who seems inert.. and who just seems.. up in space trying to like snap out if it or something. That’s probably not the best photo.. but there’s more. You can just tell.. that real real self-absorbed quality that nobody else has. and she can’t seem to snap out of. It’s all about her.